Six Months of Slowing Down
Six months ago I began a massive slowdown to reset my nervous system. And since today is also the last day of the Year of the Snake, it feels fitting to share what I’ve learned.
This change has been life changing. The fog has lifted. I can breathe again.
Here’s the thing. There is no way to analyze our life or our place in it if we are constantly moving. (It’s why organizations of control want us busy all the time.) When our nervous system is in shambles, we do not even know how to rest. It is something we forget how to do.
I did not realize how difficult it would be to actually rest. I was so out of practice. I started looking around and noticing how many women seemed incapable of slowing down. Rushing from place to place. Filling their days with every imaginable project. Doing everything for everyone instead of demanding support.
So it might seem like a slowdown would have been nice and relaxing. It was not. It was immensely uncomfortable. What I learned is that when your nervous system is imbalanced and your cortisol is high, rest does not feel comfortable. It feels unsafe. It is so uncomfortable that people will push themselves into exhaustion just to avoid slowing down. I’m still struggling with this everyday.
Here is what slowing down has taught me:
I Am Not Constantly Available
I do not need to be quickly available or accessible to anyone other than my immediate family. And even with them, I need to have boundaries to protect my time and space. We live in a world of instant replies and constant communication. That is a choice I am no longer making. I don’t check my email every day. I don’t respond to every DM. Any meeting that could be an email is an email. No exceptions.
Social Ability Is Not Emotional Capacity
Just because I have the social ability does not mean I have the emotional capacity. Constant social engagement was quietly wrecking havoc on my nervous system, even when those interactions were enjoyable. I deeply enjoy solitude, and I was not giving myself enough of it. Now I can breathe better. I can show up with more presence when I am social.
Women Are Carrying Too Much
Women take on too much. Especially married women with children. Over the last six months, I have divided domestic responsibilities with my husband in a far more equitable way. I brought in more help. I removed a lot of tasks that were never actually necessary. I have become less involved in extracurriculars.
I do not need to read every email from the school. I am not responsible for every doctor’s appointment. I have a partner, and he is taking on much of that. This idea that women need to be in charge of everything, to carry every single responsibility for our family and our household, is killing us. It is not ours alone. We have partners for a reason. They should partner with us fully.
Don’t Let Other People’s Urgency Become Yours
If you don’t have strong boundaries around your time and energy, other people will claim both. I learned this deeply during the years I was still involved with church. I was asked to serve and serve and serve, regardless of whether I had the bandwidth, the time, or the desire.
Now I only spend time on what I believe is important. I only spend my energy on what I actually want to give my energy to. That might sound elementary, but as women, we are rarely taught that we own those things. We are taught to give our time and energy to anyone who asks for it.
Our time and our energy are our greatest currency. Letting other people spend them leaves us bankrupt.
Spirituality Without Control
Daily meditation has brought me into a place of steadiness. I am more decisive about how my emotions move through me. Tapping into the universe outside of organized religion has allowed me to connect to power without handing my power over. Going deeper into that over the last six months has been quietly profound.
“Daily meditation has brought me into a place of steadiness.”
I Am Not Broken
I am perfect exactly as I am. I do not need to rush to the next version of myself. I was raised in a religion that taught me I was inherently broken and needed to be saved. That created a deep drive toward perfectionism. I see now how deeply that shaped me. The state I am in right now is my now. And now is enough. NOW is the reward.
Social Media Is a Tiny Thing
Social media is great, but it really is a tiny thing, and we make it much bigger than it needs to be. I’ve worked in it for almost 20 years, and I can see this more clearly than most. It can connect you to people, and that is real. It is also designed to keep us hooked. To pull our attention, our time, our lives into loops that do not give much back. It’s not worth it.
I Don’t Need to Chase Everything
Hustle culture and consumerism slowly wear us down. They pull us away from what is good in our lives. More stuff usually means more chaos. We do not need more things. Consumerism is designed to make us feel like we are not enough as we are, that we need one more thing to fix it. Just because our economy is built on that does not mean we have to sacrifice our joy for it. I do not need to chase every opportunity. I do not need to say yes to every good thing. I do not need to follow up on every opportunity just because it is there. I want to go home. Light a candle. Eat some popcorn. Read my book.
My Life Fits Around What Matters
I say no a lot. When my schedule starts to fill up, I stop filling it. Everything on my calendar has to fit around what matters most to me. Walks. Meditation. Slow coffee. Time with my family. I don’t fit those things into the cracks I used to try to find among the hustle of my life. The hustle has to find its way around them. Some people get annoyed. Not for long. They have their own lives.
This was supposed to be a six month experiment. I wanted to see what slowing down would feel like. I am realizing it is not an experiment. It is how I need to live.
Slowing down has not changed my income. I have just become more intentional about the clients I work with.
Tomorrow starts the Year of the Fire Horse. I am moving into a season of momentum, but I am not rushing to name it publicly. I am not putting a timeline on it. I will move when it feels right. When the opportunities make sense. Slow steps towards my highest self, instead of running just to have speed.
What I’ve learned is that slowing down is power.
Rushing to meet other people’s expectations, or society’s expectations, is how I gave mine away.
If you’re wondering if this might be an experiment you’re interested in trying, I would say, what do you really have to lose.